Eggs & Whales
The tragedy of beached marine mammals & accursed frying pans

When I moved here, I was surprised (okay, maybe not that surprised) to discover Mr. Omar owned exactly one frying pan. One beautifully shiny, silver-bottomed pan that manages to ruin EVERY SINGLE THING it touches. Fish and chips wither into naked-bottomed fillets and a sheet of burnt breadcrumbs. Eggs and potatoes fare no better. And believe me, I've tried.

And tried. 

And tried. 

No matter how much butter or oil I throw at this metal monstrosity, it has always vomited up a crispy mound of black and brown egg goop. 

Come on, man. Where is your dignity? Where is your civilization? Where is your non-stick cookware?

If ever you should happen to find yourself in a similar situation, I would recommend the following: 


Tara's beached potato and egg 10 point assistance plan  
  1. Assess damage.
  2. Accept the fact that the food is gone.
  3. Discard or eat any big chunks that come off easily.
  4. Drop a bit of water on the pan until it screams and steams like an angry sea vent.
  5. Scrape the bottom of the pan with a wooden spatula while the pan is still steaming, taking care not to burn your fingers off.
  6. Turn off stove. 
  7. Rinse pan in cold water. 
  8. Wash normally. 
  9. Get a dough scraper or an old credit card to scrape any leftover spots that didn't come off with the steam therapy.
  10. Make toast instead. 
NB: If you happen to be cooking this breakfast beachside and, say, a dolphin or whale suddenly washes ashore,  Here's what to do: 


This GIF is based on a poster near a beach in Gordon's Bay. View a printable version here.