5-Star Service
A day in the life of a rehab penguin 

For as much as I understand why penguins bite and that it's good that penguins bite, some days I really feel like they're just being ungrateful, entitled, little buggers. We really work hard for them, and apart from the weekly blood tests they have a pretty sweet deal I feel. 

Here's a typical penguin schedule: 

  8:00   Welcome drink 

  8:30   Sauna
  9:00   Swim 
  9:10   Maid service arrives to clean pen
10:00   Breakfast 
10:30   Shower & nap
12:00   Swim
  1:00   Sardine smoothies served 
  2:00   Lunch, quick head massage with Peaceful Sleep (mosquito repellent)
  2:30   Shower & nap
  3:30   Sauna   
  4:00   Cocktail hour, followed by a swim
  5:00   Turn down service. Sardine smoothies served. 

From a medical perspective, the drinks wash down daily meds; the sauna helps clear respiratory ailments; sardine smoothies bulk up underweight penguins and all the pool time tests feathers for waterproofing. But hey, tomato...potato... some penguins should learn to be less sassy.