Five things learned
1. Carrying a fancy case of multiple wine glasses is required.
Oh, so fancy.
2. When using a spittoon, always spit with gusto.
Half-assed spitting will leave you slobbering like a spaniel. Don't do it.
3. Statements such as "It has a nose reminiscent of my grandfather's gym socks" are acceptable.
Because there are no wrong answers when describing the sumptuous bouquet that is wine. Really. Gym socks are okay.
4. The sugar content of wine grapes can be measured in degrees Balling.
Not to be confused with bawling.
A wine grape is a happy grape.
5. In the 1800's an American terrorist almost destroyed the entire wine industry.
It was called phylloxera, an aphid-like root louse that decimated nearly all of the world's vines.
But America also produced a disgusting, phylloxera-resistant grape vine onto which we can graft better grape varieties.
So we're okay now.
And that's something to drink to.