Notes from the Hatchery:
Veterinary disinfectant's curious aversion to vowels
and other sensible language
By some crazy happenstance, I got to work in the CRU (chick rearing unit) today. I was pretty excited about it. There's baby bird cuteness everywhere.
Unfortunately the little buggers have no immune systems, so that means meticulous cleaning regimes, hospital scrubs and strong disinfectants. So strong, it seems, that it's even killed any semblance of a sensible name along with the bacteria.
Here's a list of a few of the cleaning agents and their possible new names. Suggestions welcome.
Description: Antiseptic liquid soap or hand gel (two products)
As in: "Did you wash your hands with F10?"
Possible new name: none
Reason: Because soap is a decent name
Description: Biofilm remover
As in: "Did you soak the blender in F919SC?"
Possible new name: squirty soap
Reason: Because the concentrate squirts up into the cap when measured.
Description: Veterinary disinfectant/cleanser
As in: "Did you scrub the dishes/mats/floors/walls/yourself with F10SCXD?"
Nickname: Step 1
Possible new name: finger tingler
Reason: Because after having hands submerged in this for hours, the fingers tingled.
Description: Veterinary disinfectant
As in: "Did you spray the dishes/ mats/ floors/ walls/ yourself with F10SC?"
Nickname: Step 2
Possible new name: squeaky raindrops
Reason: Because it looks like rain when you spray it (see this post, step 5), and it makes everything squeaky clean.
No name (unknown)
Description: Washing powder
As in: "Did you add a scoop of this to the laundry?"
Possible name: flower dust
Reason: Because it's so super nice-smelling, you can almost imagine a flower springing from all the poop-covered towels. Almost.
Description: Chlorine detergent
As in: "Did you add a scoop of this to the laundry along with four packets of medisure?"
Possible new name: soul-suckers
Reason: Okay, so this one isn't technically a vowel-less mess, but I feel the name does not adequately describe the nose-burning, lung-collapsing potency of the product. Do. Not. Inhale. Don't even look in its direction when you're pouring, or there will be consequences. Bad ones. You can be sure of it.
Well, that about rounds up the cleaning agents. Here are the edits:
EXAMPLE INSTRUCTION: First wash your hands with soap and spray your surroundings with squeaky raindrops. Submerge the blender in squirty soap for five minutes and follow with a wash in finger-tingler. Dry with a towel that has been laundered with four soul-suckers and a scoop of flower dust.
So much better, don't you think?